Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
