Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize