I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
