Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
