What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
