It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
