This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize