I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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