you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize