I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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