please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We're too hungover to prance.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
