u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
