does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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