At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
