I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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