Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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