I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just cropdusted the office
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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