i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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