It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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