Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
