apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
