i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
