we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
