my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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