the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
