Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
