You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
