Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
