There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize