I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
