69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
