I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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