I think I died a long time ago.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
