just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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