the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize