is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
