You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
