If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
