Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
