I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
