Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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