i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
