you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
