i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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