Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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