Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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