Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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