you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Semen is not good for contacts.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
