I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
