i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
40s are totally the cure
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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