oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
