She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
