thus making me awesome and them whores
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize