I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
