Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize