As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
