Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
