I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
