My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
