I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
