Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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