Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
