Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
