My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
