Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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