Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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