Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
