You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
