I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
